Trying to catch up...

 ...for some reason, this has been a tough month to get things done.  I'm struggling to make progress on the projects I mentioned in the last post.  

One project I want to remind you of is the HERitage Volume Two Kickstarter, which ends in twenty-one days.  We have almost funded and if you can support it I'd appreciate it.  Click here  to check it out.

Sorry this is short today.  I hope to have more to share in March.  Until then, stay well and warm.

Spinning plates

 Lately I feel as if I'm spinning a number of plates in my life.  They're all on poles and I have to keep them spinning lest they fall and break.  There are a number of them so I'm currently rushing around,  trying to keep them all going without dropping one.

In the writing department, I'm struggling with low word counts (I do write at least 250 words each day - my streak is over 1100 days right now).  I'm working to get my column collection done so I can send it to mt waiting backers.  I'm in the middle of a short story and I'm stuck because I can't figure something out.  Oh, and I'm taking a six-week course on writing that I'm enjoying and learning from but, like everything else, it takes time.

In real life, I've been working with a new (to me) diet and exercise plan.  So far, in about 2 months, I've dropped twenty pounds.  I'm pleased with it but it takes up time and brain space to keep up with.  Another couple of plates to spin.

And, in general, I lead a full life.  I teach a Ladies Bible Class on Tuesday mornings.  I teach four and five-year-old kids during Wednesday night Bible Study.  My husband and I try to match our schedules so we can spend time together and work on our relationship on a daily basis.  And there's running the household with all that entails.

Just typing that out makes me sigh.

I'm trying to, as a friend put it, "give myself grace."  I'm accepting I'm not perfect and doing the best I can under the circumstances.  So far my head is still above water.  I'm meeting my obligations and working on solutions.

What do you do when it seems you have a lot to do?  How do you keep YOUR plates spinning?

Life Rolls

In an earlier post, I may have written about the concept of "life rolls."  These are events that happen in your life that can temporarily derail you.  They don't have to be bad - but they are often major.

On August 24th I was struck with not one but two major life rolls.  My dear mother-in-law, whom I had been taking care of for some time, passed away.

Within the hour we received news that our dog, Barney, had to be put to sleep.

One of these is bad.  Together?  I wept in someone's arms, saying I couldn't cope with it.  That I wasn't strong enough to deal with the weight of grief.

But I did.  And I am.  More or less.

I gave myself permission to drop everything, including the writing, for a time. The time was brief for some things (I only took one week off of my column that appears on Saturdays, but it was not due to pressure - I could have taken longer - but I wanted to see if I could still do it).

I worried that grief had broken writer brain.  I had a Romance Writing Workshop I was scheduled to go to in less than a month, and I wondered if I could still write decent fiction.  Perhaps it seems strange that I would worry about that, but I had a lot of trouble with writing after my father-in-law died.

I decided to go ahead and go to the workshop after the people giving it encouraged me to come.  There was a story assignment.  I wrote something for it, only getting stuck when it came to a title - and usually titles are the first thing I come up with.  But I put together a tale that had a beginning, middle, and end.

I went to the workshop.  I did most of the exercises assigned and wrote two more stories, as well as two novel sketches.  And to my relief, I discovered writing brain was not broken.  I could still produce good fiction.

And I only had one meltdown and one choked-up moment.  So that was a win too.

Now?  As one person put it, I'm finding my sea legs.  I am no longer a caregiver, so looking to fill that empty space in my life is what I'm working on.  It's not a straight line - grief appears to take weird turns and detours - and I'm still trying to find my way.

But I WILL find it. 

Next month I plan to tackle Nanowrimo, and hope to thrash out 50,000 words.  It feels daunting. But maybe, just maybe, I can do it.

If you're a praying person, pray for me as I walk this road.  If you don't pray, I'll take good thoughts.  If you've read this far, thank you.

A Realization

A couple of weeks ago, something hit me.  It is, in retrospect, a fairly obvious observation.  But for me, it was an epiphany.

In case you are new to this blog, I am a caregiver to my mother-in-law, who requires a lot of hands-on care.  I am also a wife, a mother of grown sons and grandmother to the cutest little girl on the planet.

I suffer from some chronic health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and ADD.  I use a CPAP at night.  And yes, I need to lose weight.

I am also a writer who is struggling right now with getting writing things done.  There never seems to be time or energy for that part of my life.  I have been frustrated with how it is going.

Something hit me a couple of weeks ago, which made me look at things differently.  What was this surprising thought?

My life isn't going to change for me.  At least, not anytime soon.

I am going to continue to be a caregiver for the foreseeable future.  I am going to have family obligations.  My health may improve (indeed, some recent changes have helped), but overall I am going to have issues.

None of that is going to do me the favor of making things easier. 

If I'm going to be the writer I want to be and successful at this, I can't wait for my life to make it easier.  In fact, when you get right down to it, there is only one thing in the equation I can change.

Me.

I can change how I look at things and how I deal with them.  I can change my priorities and put the writing where it belongs.  I can stop looking at things as impossible obstacles and search for workarounds.  I can be creative.

It's time to stop waiting for things to change, and start working on the one thing I can change.  Me.

It's a little scary.  I don't know if I can change.  I'm not by nature a disciplined or organized person, and any changes will require a measure of both.

But something has to change.  Because I want to write.  I want to put my work out there for you to read.  I want to tell stories and make you laugh, cry, or think.

So, I have to change. 

Wish me luck.

Um...hi?

Yes, I know, it's been a while.  Contrary to how it looked, I didn't die, fall off the planet, or anything quite so drastic.  I have been dealing with life, and that has taken a lot of time and energy.

Part of what I need to do is organize my time better.  This is important because a) I am a caregiver and my time isn't entirely my own, b) I work from home, and have no other boss besides me (unless you count the dogs), and c) I am not by nature an organized person.  I can have good intentions but see them vanish in a puff of smoke because I didn't plan my day.

So I am working on that.  This blog will be included in that plan.  I am not going to promise to blog a set amount - not yet, anyway.  I am pledging to blog more frequently, which may make at least SOME of you happy <grin>

If you're looking for stuff to read, I've had two short stories come out the latter half of 2018.  "The Case of the Dead Son" is a part of my Eli Leafrunner universe and can be found in Fiction River: Pulse Pounders: Countdown!  The second story, "The Devil's Muse," deals with a writer who sells his muse to the Devil, and the guy he hires to get it back.  That can be found in Fiction River: Hard Choices.  (Links are to Amazon, but you can get these anthologies wherever you buy your ebooks and such).

So I hope your 2019 is starting off well.  I hope to talk to you again soon!

Looking ahead to 2018

Wow, happy new year! I am so glad that 2017 is over and done with - it was not the best of years for me. Not totally awful (I did learn I was going to be a grandma for the first time) but overall, disappointing and troubling. But I am taking a page from Philippians 3:13-14: "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (NIV) So I am going to concentrate on looking ahead. See what I can accomplish in this new year. There's a lot to look forward to. Here are just a few of my goals for 2018: • Write 182,500 words • Submit at least 1 short story/month to markets • Publish 12 short stories/novels • Get “Laura’s Look: 2001” published • Blog at least 1x a week • Reach goal weight • Keep better track of administrative stuff. I hope you will join me on my journey to become a better Christian, writer, person. Looking forward to it!

Hitting a wall

I hadn't realized how long it's been since I blogged.  December?  Really?

2017 has been...interesting.

So far this year I've sold a couple of short stories, done a little publishing, written a little (not enough).

But in May of this year I hit a wall.

A little bit of explanation.  I am primary caregiver for my mother-in-law.  A family member is going through some serious issues.  Another one hasn't spoken to me in over a year (long story).

At some point in May this all ganged up on me and I found myself physically, mentally, and emotionally worn out.

I am fortunate in that I DO have a support system.  My husband believes in me and my writing, sometimes more than I do and is working with me to find solutions to my stress.  I have brothers and sisters in Christ willing to lend a helping hand or pray for me.  A best friend who listens when I have to vent to SOMEONE.

But I am looking around now as June closes and wondering if things will improve.  I pray that they will, and that I'm through with walls for the year.

And that my NEXT blog post is sooner than 6 months from now.

Where is "Laura's Look?"

Back in May I announced that "Laura's Look 1998-2000," my first collection of columns, would be out by the end of the month.  Observant folk might notice we are now in July and there is no sign of the book.  The curious among you might even ask, "What gives?"

The short answer: Life happened.

The longer answer (feel free to skip):
At the end of April my mother-in-law, who lives with us, went to the hospital with three different infections - pneumonia, a urinary tract infection, and sepsis.  She was a week in the hospital, and then three weeks in a nursing home undergoing rehab.

Except for a brief hospital stay, since then she's been home.  And she isn't as strong as she was before, and needs more care.  This has fallen to me.

At some point in May I tossed my writing goals on the trash heap.  I just couldn't juggle everything.  I have had to scale back my goals and expectations for now while I figure out this new aspect of my life.

So, when is "Laura's Look 1998-2000" coming out?

Good question. My hope is the end of this month.  But it depends on life right now, which is not entirely in my control.

Thanks for being patient with me.  My hopes is you will find the book worth the wait.

Monday Musings: The Problem of a Blank Mind

Here it is, time for me to post something for you to read on Monday, because I want to blog every week...and I got nothing.

It's probably due in a large part to fatigue.  It's certainly not that I've been in stasis for a week - a lot has happened, both to me personally and to our nation as a whole.

But somehow I can't bring together coherent thoughts about it.  At least not at the moment.

Writers have this happen sometimes.  We're supposed to create something but when we consult that portion of our brain, it's a blank slate.  All the brilliant ideas we had up to that point while lying in bed or eating breakfast?  They've gone into hiding for some strange reason.

What do you do in a situation like that?  When the muse has gone AWOL and you're staring at a sea of white on your computer screen that you're supposed to fill with little black marks?

You write the next sentence.  And the one after that.  And...well, you get the idea.

Sometimes it's a struggle.  Sometimes you have to change things up, toss in something new to shake up the story and get the juices flowing again.

But you keep writing the next sentence.  And the next.  Because you're a writer.  And that's what you do.  It may come down to one WORD at a time, but you keep on keeping on.

Either that or quit and become a professional video game player. <grin>

Monday Musings: Nano day 16

By this time I should've passed the halfway mark on Nanowrimo.  That's 25,000 words for those keeping count.

If you look at the small applet above this post, you'll see I just passed 15k.  Which means I'm over 10,000 words behind.

Part of me is a little frustrated.  I really wanted to hit the 50k mark this year, and the odds of my doing that are steadily shrinking.  It is still doable at this stage if I can push myself - but at this point I'd have to average 2,304 words a day to make it.  That's a lot of words per day, especially with the fact this novel seems to be slowing down my writing pace for some reason.

But part of me is not unhappy so far.

The last time I went over 10k in a monthly wordcount was July.  And I'm looking to break 20k if not more by the time November is over.  Given my poor showing the past few months, that's a victory.

And I'm really getting into this story.  It has been a while since I actually finished a novel, though I have a couple I've worked on over this year.  This novel could well be finished by the end of the year - a good thing.

So I will keep pushing on.  I may not hit 50k, but to  me whatever I end up with this month will be a success.  Let's see how far I go.  :)

Spinning plates...

Older readers of this blog might remember seeing at one point of time or another a guy spinning a bunch of plates on top of poles.  He'll get a few going, then has to run back to the first plates and keep them spinning before they wobble and fall down.  The poor man keeps running back and forth to keep all the plates spinning so none of them fall and break.

That's what I feel like these days.

I want to write new fiction.  I have a project I want to get into shape to get to a copy editor.  I have at least 2 projects that I want to self-publish that need to be formatted first.

My house is a wreck.  I have people who need me for various things and responsibilities that need to be filled.  My list of "Shoulds" is a mile long.

Plus I am somehow supposed to "promote" myself.  I haven't quite figured out how to do that yet and how much is too much (I don't want readers of this blog to hate me for constantly flooding them with "buy my stuff!  buy my stuff!").

No wonder I'm tired!

Anyone have any advice on how to keep the plates spinning?

Falling down and getting up again...

I posted about falling down and getting up back in 2011, but something happened last weekend that brought that thought back to mind.

Aubrey is an adorable 10-month-old girl whose parents attend my congregation.  It was my turn to man the nursery we run during services, so I was in the conference room we use for that purpose when Aubrey's dad brought her back because she was making a lot of noise during the sermon.

He put her down on the floor and I watched as she began to toddle around the room.  She has just started walking, so her movement involves a lot of falling on the floor.

I noticed that falling down never bothered her.  Sometimes she'd find a way to get right back up; sometimes she stayed on the floor for a couple of minutes.  But she didn't cry or fuss, in fact she was quite cheery the whole time.  And she took joy in her newfound ability to walk, and her delight was catching.

It made me think about this year, and how often I feel I've "fallen" when it comes to the writing.  I didn't write as much as I wanted to this year, and recent attempts at a new schedule were less than stellar.  Looking back, I'm not quite sure what went wrong except that I didn't give the writing the priority it needs or deserves.

But I want to be like Aubrey, and get back up when I fall down.  I don't want falling down to discourage me and just sit there and cry.  I want to get back on my feet and keep going.  And I want to take joy in the journey I've set for myself as an author.

So here I am, planning to get up again.  And if I fall, I will do so again.  And again.  Falling down is not failing.  Failing is not getting up afterwards.

So here's to getting up for the umpteenth time.  Let's see how long I can walk this go round.

Whoops...

Yes, I know yesterday was Sunday.  Yes, I know I should have posted something for "Free Fiction Sunday" yesterday.

Truth of the matter is that I wasn't home very much from 8:45 AM to about 7:30 PM yesterday.  Just long enough to pick up things and/or people.  And I haven't gotten the sense that readers are all that interested in my last few short stories.

For now, I plan on working on getting this blog a little more together.  Which means posting more often.  Hopefully that means more of you will read and maybe even comment on what I say.  That would be nice.

In the meantime, I'm going to post this and think about going back to bed and getting some sleep.  Just letting you know I haven't forgotten about the blog - or you.

Thanks!

No Free Fiction Sunday this week...

Sorry, all.  The day totally got away from me and I am all kinds of exhausted right now.  So this week I will not be uploading a short story for you to read.

I only have a few left to do anyway. I am curious about what you thought of this.  Did you enjoy reading the stories?  Did it encourage you to check out what I had to offer?  Would you like to see me do this again sometime in the future?  Let me know!!

Withdrawal is No Fun

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder.  In order to combat that, I take medication.  This medication is for all intents and purposes an amphetamine.  But instead of making me bounce off the walls, it energizes me and helps me focus.

Because of what it is it is tightly controlled.  My insurance changed slightly recently.  Because of that, even though I've taken this medication for years my doctor is suddenly required to provide pre-authorization before the insurance will pay for it.

Sounds simple, right?  Well, I've been doing without this particular medication since Sunday while my doctor, the pharmacy, and I guess the insurance company all get their act together.

Meanwhile I struggle with the symptoms that come with a sudden withdrawal.  Throw in that I also suffer from depression and anxiety and that my symptoms aren't helping with those conditions and you will understand this hasn't been a great week.

But right now all I can do is take it one step at a time and hope that tomorrow the powers that be will get this straightened out.  Anyway, consider this blog post a getting this off my chest.  Maybe it'll help me feel better.

Nano update: Day 10

Well, here we are at day 10 of Nanowrimo.  Technically I should be at 16,670 words if I were on schedule.

However, that was not meant to be.  Due to a variety of factors I have clocked in at day 10 with a mere 10,132 words.

Is that low?  Yeah, for the pace I hoped to set, that's a few thousand short (I was hoping to be closer to 20k by now).  Am I disappointed?  Yeah, a little.  Am I discouraged?  Not really.  I have 20 days left on this thing and could still hit 50k if I push myself some.  So it's still doable.

And here's the thing.  As things stand now, my word count for November is better than my word counts were for September and October.  I have an excellent chance for this to be my best total word count month for the year, even if I miss the 50k mark (my best month so far this year was June with 18,462 words).

Do I still want to hit 50k?  Indeed.  I'm estimating the book I'm working on to clock in at around 60k so that would put it close to finished.  And 50k would help me hit my goal for 180,000 new fiction words this year (this doesn't count the column I write every week, which is non-fiction).

So I'm a third of the way through, not exactly where I want to be, but not ready to lay down and quit yet.  So if you're working on Nano and still have a ways to go, don't give up!  Just keep writing.  And I'll update you again in a few days on my progress.

Write on!

Moving right along...

The past few months have seen an upheaval in my life which I am still climbing out of.  My beloved father-in-law died after a long illness in March, and a lot of things, including my writing, was thrown into disorder.

I am very grateful for the number of friends who encouraged me, emailed me, sent cards, or just said a quick prayer for me during these months.  It is good to know how many people care.

Things are getting better.  I am slowly getting things back in order.  I've been writing on a regular basis again, not very much but it all adds up.  I epublished a new short story this weekend - "In the Bag."  It's a fun crime story that I hope you enjoy.

As I strive to get things back to normal I hope to do more with this blog then have it be a placeholder for my writing.  I'm sorry for the sporadic updates, and don't even know if anyone is still reading.  But as things return to, as a friend put it, "a new normal," I'm going to try to make this blog a part of that.

Thanks for reading.  Talk to you soon!

Looking back at 2011

It looks like I listed two goals for 2011: 200,000 new words of fiction and 12 short stories.

I didn't make either goal.

My wordcount for 2011 is 181,390 words.  While I missed the 200,000 word mark this counts as my second best year since I've started keeping track in 2007.  I'm hoping to do better this year.

As for short stories, I only wrote seven, little more than half of my goal.  I struggled with this goal, and I am not happy with my output.  If you read my other post on goals, I'm hoping to write as many as 25 short stories this year.  Yes, I set the bar way higher.

Sometimes in 2011 I found it hard to be creative.  That impacted the writing, especially the short stories.  One thing I hope to accomplish this year is to find ways to reignite my creativity.

I did epublish ten short stories, a short story collection, and a novel.  I'm hoping to have a lot more published this year.  And, of course, I plan to send things to magazines and publishers this year.

2011 saw me missing the mark on my goals.  I'm hoping that 2012 will have a different outcome.

On Falling Down and Getting Up

This month I'm coming back from a real poor couple of months writingwise.  I didn't get a lot of new words written, and barely sent out anything to publishers.  While I did upload my first ever short story collection ("Decisions, Decisions") I didn't do much with epublishing either.

There were a lot of reasons for this, some of them personal.  The bottom line is, when it came to my writing career, the past couple of months were not good.  I blew it.  Period.  End of story.

The question at the end of August was: What do I do now?

I could, of course, have let the inertia I'd built up continue.  I could have quit writing altogether, decided the dream wasn't for me, and gone on to consider a career in video gaming.

I could have beaten myself up over the fact that I blew it this summer.  Told myself I wasn't going to cut it. 

I could have had a pity party about poor me and felt sorry for myself.

I did beat myself up some about not writing.  I'm a writer.  I should be writing.  And there was a short pity party to go along with it.

But mainly I decided to try to make September different.

This meant getting back to work.  So far, that has meant focusing on the writing, even though I know things need to be sent out and uploaded.  I plan to get back on track for those things as well, but the important thing for me at the beginning was getting back into the habit of daily producing new words of fiction.

I've slipped up 3 days this month so far.  But I'm working on getting my daily groove back.  It helps that I am working on a new project with a fellow writer that I am enjoying.

And I remember what Kristine Kathryn Rusch says, "It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down, or how long you stay on the floor.  What matters is you get up again."

That's what I did.  I got to my feet, dusted myself off, and started walking the writer's road again. 

There's no guarantee I won't fall down again.  But when that happens, I plan on getting up - again.  It's the only way to keep doing what I love.

Maybe you're working on a dream, and you've fallen down on it.  Maybe you're lying on the floor like I was, wondering what to do now.  If you aren't, at some point you probably will.  And if you're like me, you'll do it more than once.

Get up.  Get back on track.  Don't give up.  Falling down isn't failure.  Staying down is.