A couple of weeks ago, something hit me. It is, in retrospect, a fairly obvious observation. But for me, it was an epiphany.
In case you are new to this blog, I am a caregiver to my mother-in-law, who requires a lot of hands-on care. I am also a wife, a mother of grown sons and grandmother to the cutest little girl on the planet.
I suffer from some chronic health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and ADD. I use a CPAP at night. And yes, I need to lose weight.
I am also a writer who is struggling right now with getting writing things done. There never seems to be time or energy for that part of my life. I have been frustrated with how it is going.
Something hit me a couple of weeks ago, which made me look at things differently. What was this surprising thought?
My life isn't going to change for me. At least, not anytime soon.
I am going to continue to be a caregiver for the foreseeable future. I am going to have family obligations. My health may improve (indeed, some recent changes have helped), but overall I am going to have issues.
None of that is going to do me the favor of making things easier.
If I'm going to be the writer I want to be and successful at this, I can't wait for my life to make it easier. In fact, when you get right down to it, there is only one thing in the equation I can change.
I can change how I look at things and how I deal with them. I can change my priorities and put the writing where it belongs. I can stop looking at things as impossible obstacles and search for workarounds. I can be creative.
It's time to stop waiting for things to change, and start working on the one thing I can change. Me.
It's a little scary. I don't know if I can change. I'm not by nature a disciplined or organized person, and any changes will require a measure of both.
But something has to change. Because I want to write. I want to put my work out there for you to read. I want to tell stories and make you laugh, cry, or think.
So, I have to change.
Wish me luck.