Monday, May 6, 2019

A Realization

A couple of weeks ago, something hit me.  It is, in retrospect, a fairly obvious observation.  But for me, it was an epiphany.

In case you are new to this blog, I am a caregiver to my mother-in-law, who requires a lot of hands-on care.  I am also a wife, a mother of grown sons and grandmother to the cutest little girl on the planet.

I suffer from some chronic health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and ADD.  I use a CPAP at night.  And yes, I need to lose weight.

I am also a writer who is struggling right now with getting writing things done.  There never seems to be time or energy for that part of my life.  I have been frustrated with how it is going.

Something hit me a couple of weeks ago, which made me look at things differently.  What was this surprising thought?

My life isn't going to change for me.  At least, not anytime soon.

I am going to continue to be a caregiver for the foreseeable future.  I am going to have family obligations.  My health may improve (indeed, some recent changes have helped), but overall I am going to have issues.

None of that is going to do me the favor of making things easier. 

If I'm going to be the writer I want to be and successful at this, I can't wait for my life to make it easier.  In fact, when you get right down to it, there is only one thing in the equation I can change.

Me.

I can change how I look at things and how I deal with them.  I can change my priorities and put the writing where it belongs.  I can stop looking at things as impossible obstacles and search for workarounds.  I can be creative.

It's time to stop waiting for things to change, and start working on the one thing I can change.  Me.

It's a little scary.  I don't know if I can change.  I'm not by nature a disciplined or organized person, and any changes will require a measure of both.

But something has to change.  Because I want to write.  I want to put my work out there for you to read.  I want to tell stories and make you laugh, cry, or think.

So, I have to change. 

Wish me luck.

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