Oops...

 I have been having a few rough days due to the not-so-small issue of lacking one of my medications.

I was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as an adult a number of years go (I'm a little uncertain if we found I had the hyperactive part of it, but I know I have the rest).  This meant going on some medication that is tightly controlled.

I ran out of this medication at the end of last week.  I didn't notice it until I went to set up my pillbox for the week.  It explained some things - lack of focus and wanting to sleep a lot.  But I had to get it filled.

My regular pharmacy is constantly out of the medication, so, armed with a paper script, I had Don take it to another pharmacy for me today.  The pharmacy called me after a bit, informing me that they were no longer accepting prescriptions from my particular doctor.  The reasons why weren't clearly expressed, and I plan to let my doctor know there's a problem.

So we tried yet another pharmacy.  This one has delayed the prescription due to - wait for it - insurance issues.  They will get a call tomorrow asking what is going on.

In the meantime, I'm having to function and get things done.  When you've been on a medication as long as I have, you grow dependent on it. It's hard for me to get things done right now.  This includes writing stuff.

I'm thankful for my 1500+ day writing streak.  That will get me to the computer and get words made tonight.  They may not be many, but they will happen.

So if I strike you as flakier than usual recently, just put it down to lack of medication.  But I'm sure I'll be fine - oo, look!  Squirrel!

A Realization

A couple of weeks ago, something hit me.  It is, in retrospect, a fairly obvious observation.  But for me, it was an epiphany.

In case you are new to this blog, I am a caregiver to my mother-in-law, who requires a lot of hands-on care.  I am also a wife, a mother of grown sons and grandmother to the cutest little girl on the planet.

I suffer from some chronic health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and ADD.  I use a CPAP at night.  And yes, I need to lose weight.

I am also a writer who is struggling right now with getting writing things done.  There never seems to be time or energy for that part of my life.  I have been frustrated with how it is going.

Something hit me a couple of weeks ago, which made me look at things differently.  What was this surprising thought?

My life isn't going to change for me.  At least, not anytime soon.

I am going to continue to be a caregiver for the foreseeable future.  I am going to have family obligations.  My health may improve (indeed, some recent changes have helped), but overall I am going to have issues.

None of that is going to do me the favor of making things easier. 

If I'm going to be the writer I want to be and successful at this, I can't wait for my life to make it easier.  In fact, when you get right down to it, there is only one thing in the equation I can change.

Me.

I can change how I look at things and how I deal with them.  I can change my priorities and put the writing where it belongs.  I can stop looking at things as impossible obstacles and search for workarounds.  I can be creative.

It's time to stop waiting for things to change, and start working on the one thing I can change.  Me.

It's a little scary.  I don't know if I can change.  I'm not by nature a disciplined or organized person, and any changes will require a measure of both.

But something has to change.  Because I want to write.  I want to put my work out there for you to read.  I want to tell stories and make you laugh, cry, or think.

So, I have to change. 

Wish me luck.

Withdrawal is No Fun

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder.  In order to combat that, I take medication.  This medication is for all intents and purposes an amphetamine.  But instead of making me bounce off the walls, it energizes me and helps me focus.

Because of what it is it is tightly controlled.  My insurance changed slightly recently.  Because of that, even though I've taken this medication for years my doctor is suddenly required to provide pre-authorization before the insurance will pay for it.

Sounds simple, right?  Well, I've been doing without this particular medication since Sunday while my doctor, the pharmacy, and I guess the insurance company all get their act together.

Meanwhile I struggle with the symptoms that come with a sudden withdrawal.  Throw in that I also suffer from depression and anxiety and that my symptoms aren't helping with those conditions and you will understand this hasn't been a great week.

But right now all I can do is take it one step at a time and hope that tomorrow the powers that be will get this straightened out.  Anyway, consider this blog post a getting this off my chest.  Maybe it'll help me feel better.